Thanksgiving Reads: RMP acknowledgments with a better SEO

Happy Christmas Music is Finally Appropriate day. To celebrate, the Read My Print team would like to send a special thank you to:

1. Goodreads. Because if I can't vote in the presidential election, at least I can vote in the Goodreads best books of 2012. I cared about both equally.
2. Orson Scott Card. For finally selling the movie rights.
3. Orson Scott Card's cellphone carrier. For kind of sucking, whoever they are.
4. The screenwriters of the Twilight series for giving me such confidence in my writing abilities.
5. Ally Condie, for being completely nice enough to sign a copy of Reached out to "Read My Print" even though that is totally against the rules.
6. James Dashner. Because he's such a nice guy.
7. Elise, who posed for that 40 second video ad for about 3 hours and now can only walk in twitches from pose to pose.

Review on The Fault in Our Stars tomorrow, if you want to know what John Green and Shakespeare have in common.

The Death Cure: Review (And Other Tales of the Apocalypse)

James Dashner is a nice guy. I've met him more than once, and other authors are always telling me this, too: James Dashner is a nice guy. If you don't like James Dashner, you're not a nice guy, because James Dashner is a nice guy. James Dashner is the kindest man you will ever meet don't you dare bash on his novels.

So before I tell you what I think of this series, I have a disclaimer: James Dashner is a nice guy. I read all three of his Maze Runner books. They have nice covers and the man who reads them on Audiobooks is really good at doing Irish accents. So that was fun.

I know some of you love these books. You think James Dashner is a really nice guy. You give his books five stars on Goodreads. You must be a nice guy, too. I guess I'm not a nice guy. Not only am I a girl, but I'm not a Maze Runner fan.

I really hate writing bad reviews. It disturbs me. Because I get this evil little adrenaline rush from doing it, like it's fun. And really what I'm doing is asking a nice guy to please go cry. I hate that it's fun. I hate that I get no guilt trip out of this. But here's the thing.

Everyone loves this book. These books. All three of them. Four if you're The Dedicated Fan who reads the prequel. Somebody has to stand up, in the name of Suzanne Collins and Ray Bradbury and Orson Scott Card and point out what's really going on.

It's like watching Psych. I love Psych. I find the pineapple every episode. But you're not looking for pineapples in Maze Runner- this book is like Psych on an intellectual level. This book isn't hilariously stuffed with jokes from 1992. This book reminds me of the way, in general, a cute little crime show typically goes about its business.

So say you're a Psych fan. For those of you who aren't Psych fans, this is how it goes down: little Shawn and Gus run around, make an 80's movie reference you don't get, and- Gasp! Look! There is blood on that man's shirt! Shawn makes a dramatic face, the camera zooms up on the blood and it glows. He's our killer!

That was thrilling for you.

Then one day you hear all these crazy people talking about Sherlock. And they say It's totally like Psych you'll love it! and you're thrilled because season 5 or 16 of Psych doesn't come out for a whole month, so you need something to occupy your time and you guess you'll try this show.

You turn on Netflix. Two hours later you turn off Netflix. You just sit there looking at your TV. Holy Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. For those of you who aren't Sherlock fans, this is how it goes down: This show was invented by geniuses. Forget the slightly-open door being your clue to the murder, forget 80's movie references. That was cute, but you can't look at that show the same way again. You're on a new level.

There are millions of apocalypse/dystopia novels out there in the world. Publisher Heaven chucks down one every hour. Off the top of my head? Hunger Games, Shatter Me, The Forest of Hands and Teeth, Ender's Game, Matched, Unwind, Fahrenheit 451, Uglies, Divergent, please make me stop. I know that's a random list. Not all of them a gems. But some of them are.

Picture yourself watching Shawn and Gus trying to solve a Sherlock crime. They make the same, basics-of-simple observations and 80's movie references. Even worse, Sherlock and Watson are sitting next to them telling them what geniuses they are and worshiping at their feet. And the worst part is? It works, and they solve the crime.

This is what reading this series was like. In the usually sophisticated genre of dystopia, amidst the Sherlocks of Hunger Games and Fahrenheit 451, in walks a really nice guy. The decisions I watched James Dashner's characters make were painfully straightforward. But every other character within the book regards them as genius.

Even the series' plot itself is basic, but loopholed and frilled up until you would have no idea. The world has been attacked by a virus that makes people go crazy. The only rational explanation is, of course, to gather up a group of fifty adolescent boys and build a life-size maze for them to live in, filled with giant slugs that may attack them. With needles that come out of their skin. March these children through a desert, strike them by lightning, make several of them telepathic. Bring in tiny mechanical spiders. Threaten these children with vivisection and . . . if I remember correctly, human sacrifice. Oh, spoiler alert.

The end result is so simple and obvious that I just sat there for a moment, listening to the Audiobook fade out with this blank expression on my face, wondering if that really could have been what I'd been waiting three books for. I was alone in a room. But I was slightly shouting, "Really. Really. That's it."

YA fiction, particularly YA dystopia/apocalypse has become this flooded refugee camp for all the other demographics in the world who've been disappointed by adult literature or tween books. Everybody's figured out young adult is the place to be. As a YA writer, you're facing the most competitive, the most intense, the fastest paced but the cleverest genre there is right now. You as a YA reader no matter what your age are expecting the best. You deserve it.

No book is completely bad or completely good. In addition to having a CD reader who was great at Irish accents, this series is a group of quick reads with sharp, clear writing. They are action-packed and hit the nose with a love triangle I didn't expect, thrown in on the side.

I don't think James Dashner is a bad writer. I think he is a good writer, actually. But cerebrally, his writing can't stand up to this genre.  I know he's also written successful series for middle grade readers. The intellect of books he writes for older teens and adults is still on the same middle grade level, and after three books and a prequel, it doesn't look like he prepares to step it up. But for a  quick adrenaline read that won't tease your brains too much, these books are harmless.

I have two exceptionally petty issues with this book as well, which you'll understand if you've read the novels. Click. 

Check back here at Read My Print for a new post every Friday. Before the end of October, I have a Halloween reads post, and, of course, the annual October Companion Novel Awards. Annual starting . . . now!

The middle-grade novels I give props to:

Got through these books thanks to the awesome audio reader:

Back-To-School Reads

A brand new movie can be relied on to pop up every Friday, but new books are a little harder to watch out for. In the back-to-school spirit, however, authors can be relied upon to spew books onto the shelves August through November- which is good, because it means I'll be heading to school every day, right across the street from Barnes & Noble. Check out these new reads from old favorites this fall . . . also known as my to-do list.

Reached, by Ally Condie
Coming November 13

Ally Condie's dystopia romance, Matched, premiered less than two years ago. The book stole its ideas only from the best- riding on the heels of The Hunger Games, and bringing back those really weird memories of having to read Fahrenheit 451 for English. It was an action-romance-adventure-dystopia that centered around heavy government censorship and control. I can think of about ten different books that meet the same requirements off the top of my head. At the same time though, Ally brought something calming and unique to the fast-paced dystopian table by writing in a beautiful, poetic tone. She's inspired almost too many quote boards on Goodreads and Pintrest. As the series went on with Crossed last year, her ideas grew up- out of Suzanne Collins and into themselves. Now, she's ready to release a third, and the way this series has climbed the Good-Better-Best staircase, I can't pretend I'm not excited. Aren't trilogies fun?



The Kill Order by James Dashner
Coming August 14

Speaking of trilogies, James Dashner just had to spoil the magic number and write a prequel to his Maze Runner series, bringing his count up to four. I have mixed feelings about prequels (mostly several bad feelings mixed together). My theory is this: you start your book at the point a character's life is worth writing a book about. Before that, their lives were composed of tragic backstory, mean aunts and uncles, and no dates. However, reading more into this specific prequel has got me intrigued. Maze Runner focused on a group of adolescents in post-apocalyptica, going through a group of mysterious tests designed to find the leader among them worthy of saving the world. This new book explains how the world was driven into the unique apocalypse written about through the rest of the series. While I've told you my opinion of The Maze Runner series before (a trio of Orson Scott Card rip-offs that don't live up to the original . . . that I couldn't stop reading for some reason) I'm willing to give this a shot out of curiosity. I guess his theory is this: if you go enough generations back, it could be possible to run into something interesting to write about.


Palace of Stone by Shannon Hale
Coming August 21

While I'm not entirely sure if it's true, I like to believe I was present at Shannon Hale's first ever book signing. I was seven, and Goose Girl was in its first printing and original cover (I swear they've gone through about seventy now). Since then, Shannon Hale's new reads have slowly become less and less appealing. It seemed almost as if she'd thrown in the towel on fairy tales for good- writing things like Austenland and Midnight in Austenland and who knew what other times of the day. It's exciting and refreshing to see her turning back instead to some roots I'd almost forgotten she had. Palace of Stone is the fairy-tale-esque story of Mira, a girl from a small mountain village thrown into the society of royal court when her friend is selected to be the next princess, and Mira accompanies her on the journey. This book is the sequel to Princess Academy, a novel Shannon wrote in 2005 and the reason I wanted my name to be Laurel for so many years as a kid.


Erasing Time by C.J. Hill
Coming August 28

Have you ever read an author who writes the fun, fluffy, pink pleasures in life, and noticed those moments between the lines where they hint at being secretly a much cooler, more dramatic person capable of writing something a whole lot more action-packed and lip-gloss free? No? I have every time I've read a Janette Rallison novel. They're fun, romantic, and witty, but I've always wished she would give Suzanne Collins a run for her money instead of Sarah Dessen. Now she is- publishing her own dystopia drama, Erasing Time, under her pen name, C.J. Hill. Erasing Time is the story of two twins transported to the year 2447. While I would probably be guilty of picking something a whole lot more crazy as my pseudonym, I'm still excited to see her write a more serious book. It might not debut at the top of New York Times bestsellers lists, like most of the other books here, but it's one that I already have confidence would earn the spot in a more fair and much cooler world.

The Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan
Coming October 2

I'd be lying if I said this wasn't on the list. Even though I've now begun to finally notice the FOR TWELVE AND UNDER sticker on the backs of these books, for some reason I can't get rid of them. For so many people, the Percy Jackson books were such a fun and memorable part of our childhood that we can't seem to stop, even as we grow up. However . . . unlike other long-term series with similar fan bases (my fancy way of saying Harry Potter) the Rick Riordan books' biggest flaw is perhaps how little growing-up his series has done along side his audience. Granted, I might just be saying this because of that dang sticker and the fact I check these books out with a high school ID now- and yeah, it's true, the books are still a huge draw for kids. But this new novel will be featuring a hero and heroine going on 17. I have hopes for a more mature story this go-round, while sticking to the witty, goofy and clean roots that I fell in love with in the fifth grade (also I'd like Percy and Annabeth to be romantically reunited and save the world with some cool sword fighting, than you Mr. Twelve-and-Under).


Check back next Friday for a special post on altered books- ideas in using well-worn paperbacks for everything from lampshades to works of art (which, lately, I've been so obsessed with my room looks like a publishing press exploded inside).

Summer Beach Reads (For the Beach and Other)

If you were counting on your summer being full of dramatically lounging on a 50's beach chair and wearing your swimsuit accessorized with very heavy jewelry and lipstick, you've probably been disappointed by now. Not only were the 50's beach chairs just like ours, but not everyone's summer consists of 116 days at the beach. Unless you live on the cover of Seventeen magazine, your summer is going to take you plenty of places besides the California coast. For a realistic teen reader, you're going to need more than a cutesy book with a pink cover to get you through. Appearing with the right book can help you through whatever your summer has in store- even if it isn't a magazine cover shoot.


Summer Camp

Summer camps have admittedly never been my favorite moments of the summer, but while packing your mess kit, hiking boots and secret stash of candy, the right book is essential. Reading about someone who is hungrier, more tired, and possibly worse-looking than you at the moment can always lift your spirits. Try Life as We Knew It by Susan Beth Pfeffer, the journal of a high school sophomore as an asteroid hits the moon, setting off a chain reaction of apocalypse-like events. This book has always stuck out in the typically cheesy genre of End of the World Fiction to me. It reads so realistically- reminding me of  The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank, and even at times, my own journal (although I, at the moment, am not starving). To help you brush up on your more intense survival skills, bring along The Hunger Games (do I really need to include who wrote this book? Does someone in the world not know?). My camp counselors have never been able to understand why I already know how to tie tourniquets and how long iodine should settle while purifying water. Suzanne Collins taught me.

Summer Internship

The summer internship circuit seems to be run by the Gwen Stacys of the world, whether you're interning at Oscorp or not. (Yes, I just HAD to mention Spider-Man in this post.) It's pretty easy to be intimidated by your co free-workers who've figured out how to pull off those frumpy intern t-shirts that don't match with anything in your closet, wear their eyeliner like Emma Stone, and also more often then not, are geniuses. Lunch break is a great time to plow through your summer English reading assignment and look cool while you do it, too- who says you have to mention you don't read Lord of the Flies all the time for fun? Leave the question open, and be the sophisticated-ly intimidating one who always eats up classics- while getting your homework done. If you're one of the lucky ones without summer reading, try a classic by choice- The Poisonwood Bible by Barbra Kingsolver  and The Book Thief by Markus Zusak are two of my favorite contemporary classics- code word for thick, classy and fun.

Rainy Summer Days

Rainy days in the summer are some of my favorites (although the girls hanging out in jewelry and lipstick on the beach probably don't appreciate them). Virtually any book is good- and dramatic- when you're sitting next to a rainy window in an old sweater, but to make your day complete, try pulling out your favorite old comfort book to read again. Something remembered from the good old days when we watched Hannah Montanna and flare jeans were in style. Nothing too intense- I like to re-read something by Shannon Hale (Goose Girl or Princess Academy)  or Gail Carson Levine (Ella Enchanted, The Two Princesses of Bamarre).  

Under the Covers

No school in the morning means stashing your flashlight and reading under the covers (or, leaving the lights just plain on, for those of us who've given up on secrecy). This summer situation is where it's smart to get all your geeky pleasures out of the way. Don't waist  all your good AA batteries on something you could be reading on that beach. Just like in any genre, this one is not completely full of gems. But before this summer's up, you'd better have Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card under you belt- which despite the cover ever on the link I put up, is completely worth it. Afterwards, if you're lonely and ready for a rip-off or two of the book I just made you read (albiet some pretty fun ones) read The Maze Runner series by James Dashner. Not to mention, thrillers work just as well under the covers. Read Unwind by Neal Shusterman- you'll be up all night wondering what kind of crazy author could write something so psychotic and clever . . . and what sort of disturbing hobbies he must enjoy in his free time.



Summer Beach Reads

I guess these people in the world need a section of the blog, too. Summer Beach Reads is a staple category of fiction for a reason. However, contrary to some people's belief, you can still have fun and romance with a Beach Read and not be reading . . . this. If you're not craving a Sarah Dessen novel (I never am, all that much), try the lesser known (why, I have no sane idea) Janette Rallison books- they're like watching your favorite RomCom, but better, because you look slightly smarter while you do it, and . . . they're just better. Both authors write for the same audience, but Janette Rallison would beat Sarah Dessen in a death match. And she'd find some really witty dialogue to throw into the fight. I've never recommended these to anybody who hasn't come back grinning, bouncing up and down, and dying to get their hands on another one of these books. Truly. Try Just One Wish or My Fair Godmother to get you started.

Check in next week to learn how to survive summer reading assignments . . . soon as I finish my summer reading assignment.

Dystopia Real Estate

Dear YA authors of the world,

Thank you very much for helping me blow my babysitting money on your Nook books every week. It's always an adventure. I love YA fiction. I really do. 

But I've run across aproblem I think you should know about. 

Walking into a library, they have books set up on display. You know what I'm talking about. They're usually your books. They have a little shrine to Biographies and How-To books back in the corner with a layer of dust over it. They have a children's book display where all the books have tomato juice or acrylic paint rubbed on them. And thenthere's usually a little table of YA fiction books. Guess which table I go to. 

Last week, I walked into the library to find a new table set up- YA DYSTOPIAN. Usually, in dystopians, Nazis come back to life and everyone has to live in little shacks, and the love triangles are made up crazy people and celebrities and bakers. Guess which table I went to. 

Ever since The Hunger Games came out three years ago, it seems like publisher heaven chucks down a new dystopia every day. Sometimes they land on my head. I love reading them. I love Matched and Uglies and Maze Runner and City of Ember and Life As We Knew It and Unwind and The Host- there really are a lot of you. Love it. BUT. 

But I told you there's a problem. With all the dystopia real estate out there in the world, it seems like every one of you blew your author royalties on a patch of District 13.  

Really? That's the worst part of the entire Hunger Games series. I know everybody wants to be Hunger Games now. But think about it. Do you really think teens enjoy reading about underground communities where all they can eat is turnips? Would that sound like fun to you in the ninth grade? I really hope not. 

And yet, author after author feels like they have to end up in District 13. It didn't even work the first time. I told you- I go to the library way to much. Have you seen how many copies of Mockingjay just sit on the shelf? I have. Every Suzanne Collins fan looks at those three books in a row and wonders- Why couldn't we stay in the arena? That was fun. You were famous and people were eaten by monkeys and werewolves.Then we showed up in District 13. 

But you all just kept going. Ally Condie- Why couldn't we stay on the run? Learning to build fires in St. George was a party. (I'm pretty convinced we were in St. George, right?) I loved it. River rafting trips and food rations are the way to go. But then at the end of Crossed, we washed up on District 13. Not even stretching this. White walls and grumpy people. 

I miss the dramatic poetry in the woods.  That was cool. 

Then I had the . . . adventure of reading (and often skimming) Shatter Me this week by Tahereh Mafi. Sorry, no link. Not my favorite. Especially because, in the end- her characters pass out and wake up . . .

IN DISTRICT 13. 

Call it what ever you want- and you do- the Rising, the Omega Movement, whatever. We all know where we are. There's only room for so many fully functioning underground communities in Dystopia, guys. Namely one. 

Aren't they a little crowded by now? A little grumpy? I would be. All these "strong, independent leading ladies" keep popping in with their love triangles. I really wishthere was somewhere else they could go. 

At least Harry Potter didn't wake up in District 13 after Voldemort blasted him. When Percy and Annabeth sail their boat to a grumpy underground community in Mark of Athena, I give you all permission to slap me. 

This letter has gone on way too long. I need to get back to writing my new YA dystopian novel. It's gonna be a total hit. I just got to the part where the brunette and her boyfriend show up in a grumpy underground community. I like to keep things fresh. You should all put in a good word in for me to your buddies up in publisher heaven.

Love from 

Lauren

P. S. It was hard for me to pick the complaining topic for this letter- If you don't want me to go back and send my letters about how all of your love triangles look alike or why the X-Men keep showing up in your novels, you should all really send me signed copies of these books. I did put links to them, after all. You're welcome.  

I love you.